'Bad' or Misunderstood? A Moonwalk Through Michael Jackson's Complicated Career

                                                                                        Songwriters Hall of Fame.
Michael Jackson was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2002.

"You know I'm bad, I'm bad..." 

Or do I? 

Michael Jackson's media crumb trail persists sixteen years after his passing. In 2025, people (including me) are unsure what to believe. 

The purpose of free press in the United States is to report the truth to the public without repercussions. When it comes to Jackson's story, allegations and accusations included, I wonder - what if the press lied? 

I will preface that I was born in January of 2003, years after Jackson's accusations first emerged, so I hold no bias on either side. To effectively conduct my research from a neutral standpoint, I have opted to look at Jackson's life through every angle at my disposal - articles, photos/videos, music, books and Broadway. 

Over a year ago, I saw MJ The Musical with my family in New York City. There are two distinct scenes from the production that still sit with me today because I don't quite know how to feel about them. 

                                                                                       The Hollywood Reporter - Matthew Murphy.
Myles Frost (center) portraying Michael Jackson in the Broadway production, MJ The Musical.

MJ The Musical walks the audience through the stress and immense preparation it took to piece together Michael Jackson's "Dangerous Tour" in 1992. Throughout the show, the audience sees Michael endure endless verbal and physical abuse at the hands of his father, Joe Jackson - who was also his manager. 

A large portion of the show walks you through the creation and success of Michael's biggest hit songs, such as Smooth Criminal and Thriller. 

Toward the end, Michael begins a quiet and fearful reprise of Thriller, giving the song a secondary meaning that goes miles beneath the surface of the original. 

As Michael sings, "It's close to midnight, something evil's lurking in the dark," we see that he is thinking back to his childhood and talking about his father. Joe Jackson is the evil creature who lurks in the dark. Then, a younger version of Michael appears alongside the 1992 version. The two begin singing in unison:

"You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it." Witnessing these lyrics in the context of child abuse was the most chilling thing I had ever seen in a Broadway production. 

Suddenly, Joe Jackson takes to the stage in a red ring-leader's uniform. The set quickly changes to match Joe's new look - eerie, red all over, and resembling a circus. Michael stands before Joe, defeated. Through these visuals, Michael is letting us know that his career and his life are not in his control, but his father's. 

The other scene that I keep as a vivid image in my mind lightly touches on the subject of Michael Jackson's child molestation allegations. In MJ The Musical, Michael sings a song called They Don't Care About Us, detailing his struggles as a celebrity, while standing at a pedestal surrounded by members of the press. An overwhelming amount of questions are speedily thrown at Jackson. He very clearly cannot handle the pressure. 

The press are chanting, "Situation, aggravation, everybody, allegation," while dancing around Jackson. 

The lights are abruptly shut down to a blackout, and the question of whether Jackson's child molestation allegations are true is left unanswered - and up to the audience's interpretation. It is not brought up again. 

I was curious as to why a musical about Jackson's life would avoid such a topic - especially if they could have used the show to tell us Jackson is innocent. After looking into the creation of the musical a little further, I now can see why. 

The musical was written by a woman named Lynn Nottage, a two-time Pulitzer Prize winner for Drama. No one close to Michael Jackson had any role in creating this show - no friends, family or acquaintances. 

Since the public has not been supplied hard-hitting evidence of which side of the story is true, I understand why Nottage elected to only (and barely) touch on the allegations for a second. It isn't her story to tell. 

                                   goodreads
La Toya Jackson's 1992 memoir.

Regarding family members who spoke out about Joe's abuse, Michael's sister, La Toya Jackson, had a lot to say in her memoir, Growing Up in the Jackson Family. She details a painful childhood, supplied by Joe Jackson, and says Joe had sexually abused La Toya and her siblings. 

Becoming aware that the Jackson children were so poorly taken care of has put a few things into perspective for me about Michael's allegations. Let me be very clear: I do not believe he is innocent or guilty. In my head, I see two possible outcomes after what Joe did: 

1) Michael was abused and taken advantage of as a child. Therefore, he went on to abuse other children as an adult to take back the power he had lost to his father. If the allegations are true, his actions could be Michael seeking revenge after suffering a traumatic childhood. 

2) Michael was abused and taken advantage of as a child. Therefore, he would never want to see another child suffer in the way that he and his siblings did. The last thing he would ever do is inflict the same kind of pain on somebody that his father did to him. 

I was verbally abused and emotionally manipulated as a child too - by my own father. I feel fortunate that the physical abuse I endured from him was short-lived, occurring only twice in my youth, compared to the relentless screaming and cursing he replaced it with. Physical or verbal, it all hurt the same for me. 

Speaking from the experience of surviving an abusive parent, I feel like Michael's worst nightmare would be to behave just like his father. I would never, in a million years, want to be anything like mine. 

I have promised myself for life that I would never lay a hand on somebody - and certainly not a child, because my worst nightmare is becoming my father. With that, maybe Michael Jackson felt the same way. 

                                                                                                                 Ebony
The Jackson Family posing for the cover of Ebony Magazine, December 1974.

The Jackson family as a whole is divided on whether the allegations against Michael are true. From what I have found, people will lie about anything for money and media attention - including La Toya Jackson. 

During a press conference in December 1993, La Toya tore into Michael, telling a large crowd in Israel that the allegations were true. "This is very difficult for me," she said. "Michael is my brother. ... But I cannot, and I will not, be a silent collaborator of his crimes against small, innocent children." 

La Toya and Michael's mother, Katherine Jackson, said that La Toya was not being truthful about the allegations. "La Toya is lying and I'll tell her to her face she's lying," said Katherine. Katherine added that La Toya was actively trying to make a profit off her brother's "downfall." As I previously said - people will lie for money and media attention. 

To further solidify her claims, La Toya said that her mother had once shown her large checks that were allegedly written out to the victim's of Michael's child molestation and abuse in 1984. Although, Katherine had never confirmed who the money was going to, nor had she specified the money amount. 

In her second memoir, Starting Over, and an interview about said memoir, La Toya's very public bashing of her brother comes to an end. La Toya reveals she did lie about Michael. To defend her actions, she said her husband (who she claims was abusive) forced her to speak out against Michael and their father, Joe. 

"My family and Michael knew that wasn't really me talking," she said. "I never believed for a minute my brother was guilty of anything like that." La Toya took part in ruining her brother's reputation...for what? 

Although La Toya admitted to lying about the allegations, others were still accusing Michael of abuse.  

In 1992, the FBI launched an investigation into Michael's behavior. Two separate investigations followed, one from 1993 to 1994, and another from 2004 to 2005. 

                  Federal Bureau of Investigation
Page 1 of the FBI's investigation of Jackson.

I took a look at Michael's investigation documents, and wanted to share the first page with you - which ended up coming out a little blurry when I attached it to this post. You can get a better view of it here. 

In the documents provided by the FBI, it is stated that Jackson made an "indecent phone call" to an alleged victim from London in 1979. 

An interesting detail I found on this page was that the unnamed alleged victim accusing Jackson of sexual abuse is not looking to press charges - they just wanted to offer information. 

The document states, "[redacted name] have advised that they intend to take no action in this matter and is providing the information for information only." 

After looking further into the case, the accuser was revealed to be Terance George, a British DJ. An article covering the accusation can be found in this PDF, on page 4. The sexually-charged phone call between George and Jackson is said to have occurred when Jackson was 20, and George, just 13. 

As disturbing as the allegations were, no conclusive evidence was found to prove that Michael committed the heinous crimes he was accused of. 

After a twelve-year-long investigation, Michael Jackson was acquitted of all charges. 

In summary, I still do not believe one side or the other. All accusations against Michael Jackson came about through word-of-mouth, and I have not discovered any proof of his actions. 

I have chosen to bring you everything in this piece from a neutral standpoint, and to keep you informed. 

SOS! MUST LISTEN!

                                                                       Daniel Sannwald
SZA on the cover of her album, SOS, sitting above the ocean.

Over the course of a week, I have taken the time to play through SZA's most recent album, SOS. She released a deluxe version of the album, Lana - SOS Deluxe, in December 2024, which I haven't heard yet. 

SOS is a mix of R&B and soul music, which SZA is able to mosh seamlessly. While reviewing the album and rating each track out of 10, I'll also discuss its symbolism and share a few lyrics that stuck out to me. 

Track 1: SOS 

Within the first few seconds of SOS, you're transported to SZA's location on the album cover: the open sea. A short but calming alarm or chime echoes out, which reminds me of being on a boat. Purposely driving yourself into the unknown and accepting the possibility of change. 

Within the last few seconds of SOS, a clicking noise can be heard, which I interpreted as SZA preparing to shoot a gun, and a bell rings immediately after. A bell can signify the start of something, or the end. Anyone who is listening to this album for the first time may be confused. However, as someone who religiously plays the album and holds it close to my heart, I am aware of SZA's genius. The gun clicking leads right into a song about murder. Rating: 7.8/10

Track 2: Kill Bill 

This one's for the irrational girls with a lust for revenge. Kill Bill tells the story of a woman (SZA) plotting to murder her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. There is not a clear reason why SZA wants them dead. By this, I mean that the listener has no idea whether the man cheated or two-timed the women (dated them both at the same time), or if SZA and this man recently broke up and she is just jealous that he moved on. 

Either way, it makes for a great tune. SZA is contemplating the consequences of the murder if she decides to go through with it. The funniest part of the song is the pre-chorus that comes around between each verse, where SZA claims she is behaving maturely...while trying to rationalize murder. However, in that same verse, she goes as far as to say, "If I can't have you, no one will." Yes, SZA. So mature. Rating: 8/10

Track 3: Seek & Destroy 

SZA's vocal range is very impressive here. Just the first few notes, which are quite high, would leave an alto like me in awe. The production is very bouncy and lively, and feels like it's swaying back and forth, almost like a pendulum on a clock. Someone deeply hurt SZA, and this is her payback song. 

She aims to give the person who hurt her a taste of their own medicine, but also craves to be set free from it all - the pain, the person involved, the whole situation. To me, this is the kind of song you listen to while you're getting ready to go out on the town with your friends, reminding yourself in the mirror that you're a bad b***h in control of yourself and your future. Like SZA says, do what you gotta do. Rating: 9/10

Track 4: Low 

The first word I associate with this track is "mystery." SZA is clearly seeing someone that she isn't supposed to be seeing. She's telling the listener that she enjoys this person in private - in secret. She does not want to be associated with them publicly. She then tells the person not to call her...thus adding more mystery. Who is this person? 

Is someone looking at her phone's call log? Is SZA cheating on someone else with this person? Or is this the man she previously broke up with in Kill Bill, with whom she has decided to reconcile? So many questions, so few answers - if any. I can't find any. The song ends with what I presume is a recording from a conversation SZA had with someone, where she is being threatened with violence for making someone "look stupid." Interesting...is this a cliff hanger? I enjoyed the drama. Rating: 8.5/10

Track 5: Love Language 

I'm sensing a pattern at this point. Whomever SZA is spending her time with, if every song so far is about the same guy, has cheated on her - multiple times. "You had bitches on the side, I let my mind wander, too," said SZA. Ouch. The biggest misunderstanding for me with this song is the title - and the chorus. 

If this man has cheated on SZA, why is she asking for a way to understand and connect to him? Why not leave him in the past and find someone who's loyal? Communication is so important in a relationship, and if a couple doesn't have that, there is no point in remaining a couple. She deserves more. Rating: 3.5/10

Track 6: Blind 

This song attacks you with a toxic mindset. SZA is having relations with a past love just because he gives her validation. She is trying not to focus on who she used to be and wants to improve upon herself as a person and learn to grow, but it's understandably hard. She is a woman scorned - hurt one too many times to give the world a chance. To emphasize all of this, she says, "My past can't escape me, my p***y precedes me, my my how the times change, I'm still playing the victim and you still playing the pick-me." 

Her subconscious knows she deserves to be happy and loved properly, but SZA actively chooses to ignore it and claim she is "blind" to any positives that exist in her life. She can't seem to find a silver lining. As someone who has been hurt in the past myself, this concept resonates with me. To get rid of it, you need to pick yourself up and really hunt for that silver lining. No one is going to do it for you. Rating: 7/10

Track 7: Used (Ft. Don Toliver) 

We've reached the first feature on the album, and I think this was a smart pairing. Both SZA and Don Toliver have loved and lost in their own ways, and are trying to process everything. For SZA, she says she's "used to being used like this." She has become numb to toxic relationships to the point of not caring if they are, in fact, toxic. SZA prays and wishes this was not the case, but she cannot escape the numbness.

There's a different story in Toliver's verse. "I've been riding, riding through this cold world," Toliver says. He's hurt, he feels betrayed and someone has given him the cold shoulder. But even still, Toliver also says, "I feel like it's over, something's calling you, get closer." This line is contradictory. It's tug-of-war between emotions. Toliver still very much feels betrayed by someone, but he is afraid to lose them. He is caught between wanting to cut things off or press the reset button and try again. Rating: 5/10

Track 8: Snooze 

The beat of this song is noticeably slower than the others with simple but catchy percussion, giving it a more relaxed, R&B feel. However, the message doesn't seem so relaxed. After hearing the first few lines, the question that arises instantly is, What would you do for love? SZA gets herself into a relationship with someone that she is willing to do anything for - including murder, touching fire and testifying in court. 

I truly do want to believe that this person makes SZA happy, considering she's drafted a list of crimes she would commit to display her loyalty to him....but I'm not convinced that any of this is a positive thing. SZA says, "I can't lose when I'm with you," signifying to the listener she has become dependent on this person for her happiness and well-being. Codependency is a burden to carry. Rating: 4/10

Track 9: Notice Me 

SZA is expressing the joy she feels whenever she spends time with a certain someone - without a label. "I don't want to be your girlfriend, I'm just tryna be your person," SZA says. Interestingly, she mentions that she's "Already tried" to be with this person on a more serious level, but that it didn't go well and they can no longer talk to each other about it (as a result of the relationship's failure). 

There is also the idea that since SZA cannot be with this person, she is trying to remain an active part of his life in some other way - a friend, even maybe just an acquaintance. She wants to be someone that this guy can go to, talk to, etc. It is revealed toward the end of the song that this guy has a girlfriend. As long as SZA knows boundaries, I guess it's fine to try to be his friend? Maybe? 

Despite having mixed emotions about the situation at hand, SZA still very much wants the guy to acknowledge her presence and be made aware that she is still there for him. You do you. Rating: 3/10

Track 10: Gone Girl 

Like many girls in their twenties and thirties, SZA is mourning the loss of an old version of herself and struggling to pinpoint who she is now. She mentions someone from her past that would cause her to revert to her old ways if they were around, saying, "Get around you and I regress." Life is build around change. SZA announces that this old version of herself is gone, and those around her "Better learn how to face it." 

Everyone could have a hundred different versions of themselves that they try out and dislike all of them. We as people must learn from the versions of ourselves that we hate to look back on, and use them to become the best and most ideal version of ourselves. If letting certain people who stop you from being your best self out of your life allows you to be who you want to be, then I say do it. Rating: 6/10

Track 11: Smoking on my Ex Pack 

Every time this song comes on, without fail, I feel like I've gained a new attitude. The song starts with no warning, no intro, just "Roll the clip and run it back, I'm really like that." This song verbally punches your enemies in the face and tells desperate, attention-hungry wannabes to back off. It exudes utter confidence. 

Another great lyric is, "You hatin' from nosebleeds, I wish you well." It's short and sweet, but gives off the vibe that SZA can't be torn down. Those who claim to pray on her downfall are secretly fans who envy her accomplishments. SZA has earned her place in the industry - of course people are jealous. Rating: 10/10

Track 12: Ghost in the Machine (Ft. Phoebe Bridgers) 

In Ghost in the Machine, a few ideas are swirling around about a deficiency in socialization. Something that really stood out to me is, SZA compares herself and her everyday life to that of Artificial Intelligence (AI), saying that the robots have "more heart" than her and a more promising future. She then goes on to say that robots have time to shut down and rest, but she does not. "Robot get sleep, but I don't power down...I'm wide open, I'm awake, I'm on autopilot...I'm out of my mind and I'm wide open," SZA says. 

I think SZA is opening up to the listener about the life of a musical artist. They are constantly working around the clock, get no sleep, and are often treated less like a person and more like a cog in the music industry's "machine." Through all of this, it is no wonder why SZA craves human connection so much. The chorus is SZA wishing she could find a sense of humanity in a world full of vain, heartless people. 

Phoebe Bridgers' verse on this song is quiet but powerful. Similar to SZA's verses, it leans into the loneliness that comes with fame. "Said all my friends are on my payroll...you're not wrong, you're an a**hole," says Bridgers. Imagine how sad you would be if that was your reality. I take these lyrics to mean one of two things: 1) Bridgers hired her friends to work for her in the beginning stages of her career and now they're just her employees, or 2) Bridgers has no time to make true friends due to her busy schedule, so her only friends are those who work for her. Either way, both would understandably suck. Rating: 8/10

Track 13: F2F 

Chills. Chills all throughout the chorus especially. I have seen a few interpretations of what "F2F" could stand for, including "Face to face" and "F*** to forget". Hopefully SZA can confirm that for us someday.

SZA goes on a rant about how much she misses someone she used to be in a relationship with. She's been losing sleep just thinking about him, and is afraid that if she attempts to speak with him he won't want to hear from her. To cope with these emotions, SZA gets intimate with someone new, but it doesn't exactly help her forget her ex-boyfriend. She makes it clear (many times) that she's only getting intimate with this new guy because of how much she misses the ex. Society would refer to this stint as a rebound. 

 

SZA admits in the bridge of the song that she's merely "looking for comfort" as she tries to distance herself from her former relationship. I appreciate the pop-rock-ish beat of this song and the harsh reality of trying to bottle your emotions. Most of all, I appreciate SZA's raw, unfiltered honesty. Rating: 10/10

Track 14: Nobody Gets Me 

You better grab some tissues for this one. SZA was once engaged to somebody, and their engagement was broken off due to SZA's growing level of fame. She was constantly being pulled away from her fiancé to perform and go on tour - which is what she signed up to do in the first place. Did he not understand this? 

"You proposed, I went on the road...you was feeling empty, so you left me," SZA says. Maybe the fiancé didn't leave because of SZA's lack of availability. Maybe he left from feeling insecure with her absence. However it happened, SZA still carries love in her heart for this guy and wishes they were still together. "I don't wanna see you with anyone but me, nobody gets me like you," SZA says. SZA favors the version of herself that comes out when she spends time with him. "Only like myself when I'm with you," she says. 

It would be nice if someone else understood SZA to the level that her former fiancé did. Rating: 7/10

Track 15: Conceited 

Here comes another track where SZA is blunt, honest and doesn't care what others think. I love this side of her music. She starts off with, "I don't like nobody, I don't feel guilty about it." Maybe she's talking about how society speculates whether she's in a relationship or not. I think this is her saying she's perfectly fine and happy being single, and requesting that her fans (and probably, the media) stop asking who she's into. 

Following that line, SZA says, "I just got by body done, ain't got no guilt about it." Good! So many celebrities try to hide the fact that they've gone under the needle - whether it's for weight loss, implants or even just a few shots of Botox. SZA is not ashamed to tell people she's had work done and she enjoys it. 

In the chorus, SZA says, "I got no reason to depend on you, no reason to make friends, I'm cool," which could signify her moving away from fake friends or anyone who has wronged her in the past. Bad people are not worth keeping around, and I think it is true that you become the kind of people you hang out with. SZA further solidifies her point by telling the listener that she's "been burning bridges" and would "do it over again," because she has started investing in herself and what she deserves. Bravo! Rating: 9/10

Track 16: Special 

For any girl who's ever felt insecure in their own skin, listen up - this is for you. SZA goes into detail about her insecurities and who she wishes she could be. She even admits she never liked the girl she's envious of as a person, but that she "wanted to be like her," probably just in terms of appearance and maybe popularity. SZA notices that men look at the pretty girl with the expensive clothing, and she shrinks herself down to only being "ordinary." 

SZA, disappointed, starts telling off the source of her insecurities in the chorus. "I used to be special, but you made me hate me...regret that I changed me...I hate that you made me just like you," she says. I think SZA is talking to the girl from the beginning of the song. Either her, or just all pretty girls in general. The lyrics indicate that SZA did attempt to make herself look more like the girl she envies, and that it was a terrible idea because it took away her self-worth and made her a copy of someone else. I'm suddenly being reminded of the movie, Mean Girls. If you haven't seen it, please watch it to understand what I'm saying. 

Another insecurity SZA identifies is with her body. "I wanted to be thick now I wanna be thin, heard pilates is in," she says. This album was released in 2022. To think that three years later, we as a society are at the peak use of Ozempic (especially celebrities), is very sad. I remember getting so excited as a kid to get older and grow boobs, and be able to use a bra. Now, I wish everything was smaller. I respect SZA so much for using her platform to share these things, because it makes her all the more relatable. Even though it's a sad thing to relate to as a girl, I am glad that I am not alone in feeling this way. Rating: 7/10

Track 17: Too Late 

This track feels more self-aware than some of the others. SZA openly admits that she wants to reconcile with an ex-boyfriend and revisit their relationship. However, with that would come a slew of problems. They just aren't right for each other and I'm sure they both know it by now. Reconciliation would be toxic. Although both SZA and her ex fear love and are "dangerous" for each other, SZA craves more of him. She wants to set aside their potential to "combust" if they got back together, and focus on the love they shared. 

A set of lyrics from the song that highlights these ideas on SZA's side is, "So done with you...nobody hurt me like you do...every time you break my heart, it feel new...every time I fall apart, I call you." SZA is well aware that this guy isn't good for her long-term, but she might not have anyone else to turn to. She keeps crawling back and can't get enough. It's an unhealthy pattern she must grow out of. Rating: 4.5/10

Track 18: Far 

The song begins with SZA telling someone she's been dealing with a hefty amount of rejection recently, and is unsure how to handle it. She needs a break from dating, a break from people and - heck, even a break from the world itself. "Need a few brews, need a palm tree," she says. I, for one, would love a vacation from society, but that doesn't really exist unless you're happy with isolating yourself. Human beings are founded on connection and socialization. SZA doesn't care about that; she just wants to run. 

She tells the listener that she is "done being used, done playing stupid," which could indicate that she knew she was being used by men in her past relationships, and she just chose to ignore it to protect her happiness and have fun. She is ready to run far away - so far that no one will recognize her anymore. I've seen in a few tracks on this album that SZA has a hard time putting trust in others, and I think her reasons are valid. Getting used, cheated on, abandoned and made out to be ugly and fat in a crowd of pretty, skinny girls...I think that's enough to make someone want to run off and become a whole new person. She says there is no one in her corner, no one to hype her up and no one to tell her she's special. I feel that on so many levels - believe me. "Trust is hard to find," SZA says. In today's world, it sure is. Rating: 7/10

Track 19: Shirt 

Once again, SZA is complaining about her inability to love and be loved. "Broad day sunshine, found a way to f*** it up still," she says. Because she carries baggage from her past everywhere she goes, it ruins her new relationships and leaves her unable to find true happiness with somebody. She has been burned, and you can't just wipe away a burn mark. Unfortunately (and I know this because I did it in the past), some women will go down a path of dating men who are bad for them because they dated one before. It becomes a pattern by accident, and they don't lift their head up and notice until the relationship goes sour. 

Further into the song, she asks her partner to put in more effort to alleviate her worries surrounding trust. 

"How I'm post to trust? Baby, post to love? It ain't 'sposed to hurt this way...all I need is the best of you...Baby how I got to say it? Give me all of you," she says. Maybe she still hasn't found a partner who is willing to give her the amount of love and attention she wants. If she's out here giving her all to somebody who won't give it back, then she needs to keep searching. This guy can't be The One for her. Rating: 2/10

Track 20: Open Arms (Ft. Travis Scott) 

Open Arms follows SZA trying to make a big decision: whether to stay with her partner or leave and make her own life. Travis Scott's verse shows a sense of yearning, telling SZA he'll do anything to make her stay with him. Ultimately, SZA says, "I gotta let you go, I must...you're the one that's holding me down." 

I think that, for her, this was a realization she had to come to. It was necessary. If your partner is keeping you down in any way, you should take a step back and re-evaluate what's best for you. By the way - if you're unfamiliar with these artists, they are not romantically involved. It's just a musical collaboration. 

I was happy to see a feature by Travis Scott on the album, as I am also a fan of his. I got to hear Scott perform on a more mellow beat than he's used to, and it was a nice switch-up from his usual tone. The very first time I listened to the album a few years ago, I thought that Open Arms was the last track. It sounded like the perfect ending to the story of SOS, but I was then gifted three more songs. Rating: 6/10

Track 21: I Hate U 

SZA is reminiscing on a past love that went south. He didn't treat her properly, verbally attacked her during their arguments and was resistant to listening to her and being able to change and mature as a person. Despite all of this, SZA misses the guy. The chorus goes, "If you wonder if I hate you, I do." 

I don't believe those words to be true. I think that SZA hates his actions, but loves his heart. Something had to have drawn her to him in the first place, right? She hates everything he did and who he became, but not who he once was. She's grasping at straws now, trying to remember the better parts of him and the old version of him that served her well. It would be impossible for her to hate him entirely, because the two of them were once a great match and shared some wonderful moments together as a couple. Rating: 5.5/10

Track 22: Good Days 

The beat of this song radiates light and good energy, even just from the intro. It feels like waking up early, starting your day off right with a cup of coffee and being grateful for what you've got. Amidst her failed relationships, trust issues and insecurities, SZA is searching for things in her life to be grateful for. She's asking memories from her past to "get the heck out" of her mind, so that she can focus on accepting change and starting anew. She also brings a bit of spirituality into the song, comparing how she's currently feeling to the story of Job in the Bible, which is about a wealthy man who loses everything (including his family) by refusing to curse in God's name after suffering an endless amount of hardships by Satan. 

To SZA and many others, the sheer magnitude of heartbreak and a desperate need to be loved the right way could feel like a loss. Toward the end of the song, SZA reveals that she tries not to live with regrets, and how she copes with them. "I don't regret, just pretend s*** never happened," she says. I would not consider blocking out bad memories a positive coping mechanism, but I respect it. She then emphasizes the importance of living in the present moment and soaking up all the good that you can. Rating: 9.5/10

Track 23: Forgiveless (Ft. Ol' Dirty Bastard) 

The time has come for SZA to be unapologetic and embrace her successes. After realizing that Open Arms wasn't the last song, I really thought that Good Days was the true end of the album - and I was wrong again. Forgiveless feels edgier and more rugged than the other songs, and I'll bet that's why SZA saved it for last. It offers an element of surprise - a deep, nostalgic sound and a feature from a late artist. 

Ol' Dirty Bastard starts the song off by telling the listener how he is unapologetically himself. He attracts all the ladies, he's a great rapper, and he cannot be stopped from succeeding. SZA follows his verse by doing the same thing - being authentic and not saying sorry about it. "You don't think for yourself, and that's none of my business," she says. SZA strives for originality and holding onto her character, because deep down I think that's the one thing she hasn't lost throughout her struggles. Sure, maybe she had a few toxic behavioral moments. Sure, maybe she wanted to murder somebody. But still, she is not afraid to be herself, and that's what our generation is missing right now. So many people my age fear judgement so much that they would rather copy others and fit in with the crowd. Originality is sorely missed, and it is attractive. A world full of clones sounds like a dystopian nightmare, not the dream. Rating: 6.5/10

I will say, it took me multiple days in a row to review and rate this album thoroughly. I did not want to give a half-assed review, especially since I like SZA so much. I wanted each song to have its time to shine. Although this was time consuming, I enjoyed getting the opportunity to listen to this album again and really try hard to hear everything SZA said. Some of the songs' messages might have gotten lost on me back in 2022, but I can see them clearly now. I think everyone should listen to this album, because it displays human emotion and vulnerability in a world where most are afraid to be so vulnerable out loud.